Learning Self Love

On February 10th, I competed in Muse's Songwriter Showdown for the second time and, apparently, did a lot better.  While we were celebrating with big Sammie’s shakes in our fists, my mom told me that I'll be the next Brady Parks.  But that never happened.  And I know why.

I had a meditative summer.  I put threw myself into new situations and ran full speed to try to grow up and learn more about myself and what I really wanted out of life.  I played at the Liahonaroo music festival in Nashville and thought I'd come out knowing what I wanted for myself musically.  I nannied for two weeks out in Missouri and thought that the most important thing that I'd learn would be the value of hard work.  Then I worked odd jobs until I went off to Europe for a month and a half where I thought I'd learn all about myself as an artist.  But this summer had other plans for me.

I spent 6 days in Nashville.  For my freshman year of college, I attended Belmont University as a Songwriting Major.  The first night I was back, Megan picked me up, made me vegan stir-fry and invited a bunch of our friends over.  We talked for hours about music, art and living well.  The next day I went to a party with a couple of those friends and, while everyone around us was getting drunk and Freddie Mercury was flailing on the television, I had one of the best conversations about relationships that I've ever taken part in.  We talked about relationships to friends, significant others, the environment, and God.  Then the whole week seemed to revolve around those things.  I had been having issues keeping friends close lately, and we talked that through and I recognized some personal issues; a few of them having to do with the significant other in my life.  I knew the relationship wasn’t healthy for anyone involved or surrounding it.  The next day I ended things as best as I knew how and refocused attention on the people around me.  By doing so, I gained a deeper love for my friends in Nashville and they taught me their love for God and the world around them.  We worshiped together, we ate vegan food together, we walked barefoot across Nashville just to feel the different textures of the city we all love so much.  Those experiences that developed out of a friendly conversation helped me realize that now is the time to be conscious.  Not tomorrow or next week, but now.  I've been walking around numb.  But Nashville shook me awake.

And just in time.  The next week I flew out to Missouri to nanny my four young cousins.  I spent the evening with their parents, learning how to take care of the toddler, where to drop the kids off for school, what kind of food they like and how to get them all to go to bed.  The next morning I woke up as a single mother of four.  It was one of the hardest experiences of my life.  I had baby sat before, of course, but never for so long.  I was a chauffeur, chief, stylist, maid, art teacher, referee, laundry service, sheep dog, commissioned songwriter, and storyteller.  I was also their official blogger and photographer.  I had my hands full.  And I had this desire to do everything perfectly.  But there I was, a college student who barely remembers to feed herself half of the time, taking care of four young kids.  I was failing at everything I tried with them.  They wouldn't eat the healthy food I offered, they didn't want to shower, they couldn't get to bed on time.  One night I was so stressed out and depressed that I just fell to my knees and asked for help.  The next day I gave myself completely over to the kids.  It was all about them.  I didn't sigh when I had to put down my book for the 5th time to refill a cup of Fruit Loops.  I didn't force the toddler to wear what I thought would look better than his red shorts and green/brown striped polo that he picked out.  I didn't even limit the number of books I'd read before bedtime.  I realized that I'm just a service to these kids.  And although bedtime is important, I wasn't their mother.  I had no authority.  I had no control and I didn't have to.  I wasn't their mother.  I couldn't do everything the way she could and I didn't have to do everything perfectly.  No one was expecting me to.  And that was a new and refreshing concept to me.  No one is expecting me to be perfect.  Maybe that's silly that I've always expected to be held up against some shining example, but what a relief to know that it's not true.  We're all experiencing today for the first time.

In Europe I learned about art, self expression, and the value of hard work.  I wrote about three of those in my last blog post.  In that post, I hinted at the idea of self love.  That love was sparked in Europe but the fuller development and realization of it did not.  That came later.

I know that I'm a valuable person.  I know that I have talents and I know that I use them well.  But sometimes I forget.  Somedays, somebody else seems to inhabit my mind and make me feel hopeless, helpless, and much too far below the bar of where I thought I was the day before.  But then I admitted that that's a problem.  I said it out loud.  I let myself accept that I wasn't perfect and that I was a little crazy in my own way.  That alone has helped me take steps necessary for learning to love myself at all times.  It's a slow process, but I'm getting there.

One thing that really helped me tie this all together was a show that I had at Muse a few weeks ago.  I know that seems silly, but hear me out.  I've been playing shows for a long time.  Well, open mics, coffee shops and the little showcases.  But I decided that my music was at a stand still.  This show had to be different.  And how could it not?  After the summer that changed me, my music had to change as well.  So I wrote a setlist.  I didn't just list off songs I want to play in a random order or come up with the next song off the top of my head.  I planned out a set list.  I spent hours on this thing.  I wanted it to flow, tell my story, and be a seamless, beautiful experience for everyone.  And the show was a complete success!  The whole time I was on stage, I was confident.  The audience was really feeding off of that and I took those positive vibes and became even more secure and confident.  After I got off stage, one of my friends was so impressed that he kissed the top of my head.  He was so proud.  And I was so happy.  I loved it.  I loved myself.  I loved everything about what I had just created.  I had created and moulded and edited and transformed and made something wonderful.  It was an experience that I would never forget.  

This summer taught me to value my relationship to myself- I'm not perfect, but I can work hard and develop my talents and be something amazing and beautiful and worth while.

So that's why I'm not the next Brady Parks- I love me too much to be anyone else.


    Love always,
            Lexi

Euro trip

I know Europe was over a month ago, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I could tell tons of stories and list off everything I got to see, but the pictures can do that for you.
I just want to talk about what I learned.

I know it sounds cliche and cheesy, but I did a lot of growing up this summer.  A few friends have told me that it really shows.  Before Europe, I was floundering.  I'm still not on top of things, but I know what I have to do.  But I REALLY was floundering- in my art, my schooling, my relationship to others and to myself.

The first thing that happened in Europe was that I was inspired and motivated artistically.  Wandering through the art museums I could find made me realize how badly I want to make good art.  I know I have the talent (I'm so modest), I just need the motivation to go at it and take risks and produce a lot of crap to get to the good stuff that's hiding somewhere in my head.

My Favorite Van Gogh was in a little gallery in London!

Damien Hirst at the Tate Modern

Roy Lichtenstein at the Scottish National Museum of Modern Art

The other thing I realized was that artists have to work hard.  I know that sounds repetitions of what I just said, but it came at a different time.  I was motivated, but I didn't realize how hard some of the kids in my program really work.  One of the people I got the closest to on the program is one of the hardest workers I've ever met.  He spends so much time sketching and editing and sketching other ideas and just going going going and he loves it!  I KNOW I know how to work hard, it's just difficult to balance being social, doing homework for general education classes, cooking healthy meals, keeping my apartment up, doing actual homework for art and taking time to do MORE art.  It needs to be a priority though.  I realized on my trip that I need to focus and spend my time more wisely.

Sketch at the National Gallery

Picasso sketch at the Tate

Perspective and York Minster

Van Gogh master copy 

White Cliffs of Dover oil painting

The most important thing I learned on my trip though has become more important to me in the past couple of weeks than anything else I learned.  I learned that I need to take care of myself first.  I don't mean be selfish and raise myself above those around me, but I need to make sure I'm doing well before I can really do anything else well.  I have the tendency to blend what I want with what other people want for me.  But I realized what I want and where I want to be in the long run and that needs to dictate how I spend my time and who I spend my time with.  I don't want to get in depth because this is only a blog, but I just wanted to wave my selfish flag and tell all you other people to do the same and everything will work out just fine.  Do what you love and love doing it well!

Fell in love with Paris

Love,
Lexi

The Days before Europe

So I haven't written since my time in Missouri because I've been away from my computer for almost 2 months!  I was only in Europe for a month and a half though so let me explain- As soon as I got home, I went to Telluride for a week with the family.  There we rode bikes, hiked and watched movies at the Mountain Film festival.  It was amazing :)

Then when we got home, I only had a few weeks to do odd jobs for my parents and neighbors to try to make as much money in the short time I had.  I painted the nook in my parent's room, potted and arranged plants in this lady's garden room to make it suitable for tea parties with her grandkids and I helped my mom plant our front yard.  Sadly enough, right after we had the yard mostly finished and new plants waiting to be planted sitting on the porch, the biggest hail storm I've ever seen wreaked havoc on all our hard work.  But let me back up and talk about the storm for a bit.

One sunny June day, mom and I decided to have a girls day.  The boys were all at youth conference and we took full advantage of that.  Mom had a birthday coupon to a spa in Denver, so she got a facial and I got a much needed back massage.  Then I got my hair cut and colored in preparation for the long days ahead.  We went to Mellow Mushroom for pizza and decided to get it to go because the line was so long.  Thank goodness we did because as we were heading home the temperature started to drop drastically.  Mom was watching it fall and said "It's going to hail."  She kept saying that we should stop and hide in the Mini under a gas station roof or something.  But I kept feeling like we should just drive fast and get home.  As soon as it started hailing, I felt so stupid.  It wasn't just hailing; it was more like an angry ice god was releasing all of his teen angst upon our cute, clean, perfectly dent-free Mini Cooper.  It was so loud that mom and I had to yell at each other.  I was so mad that I had said to keep driving, but we had to keep going.  When we pulled into the garage, the garage door wouldn't shut behind us because the hail had pilled in so quickly and was blocking the sensors.  We were still yelling and desperately trying to get the door to shut so dad's new car wouldn't get pelted (He cleans that car twice a week. There's no way he'd not notice a hail dent!).  So mom grabbed a snow shovel and I acted as a human shield to protect the shiny new sports car as I kicked at the water flowing in.  We finally got the garage door an inch from the ground and called it good.  We went inside and realized that there would be a tornado warning.  We headed to the basement and not a moment too soon; water was cascading out of the window and a lake had formed in the middle of the carpet!  We quickly grabbed towels from the bathroom and threw them under the window.  Mom unplugged the TV and speakers as I ran to get more towels and blankets from the closet.  Then mom ran to the first floor and I ran upstairs and we used every single towel in the house to mop up and attempt to plug up Niagara Falls.  When we realized that the hail piling up in the window well was the problem, mom got on her snow boots and went outside, in a tornado warning, and shoveled the ice out of the well.  That got the water under control and we knew there was no more we could do but dry off and hide in the pantry and eat our cold pizza.  Thank goodness we had driven straight home!

The next morning we went outside.  I almost wish we hadn't.  The storm had shredded every leaf off of every plant and made our yard look like a vegan potluck.  We had worked so hard to perfect that yard just two days before!  I think we both almost cried.  The boys got home late that day and helped us rake up some of the salad.  We filled 5 huge black garbage bags with just leaves.  Our trees are bare and our plants are nubs.  What a sad looking summer garden..

Then just a few days later, I had to pack and get on the plane to London!  I just got back from Europe on Thursday and I loved every day there.  I'll have to write about it over a few posts because we were constantly on the move.  We got so much done in such a little time.  It was overwhelming and it feels weird to have time to sit down and write.  I miss Europe, but I'm glad to be home.  Hurray for jet lag and a huge bed!

The end.

I'm sitting in the airport typing this on my phone. I'm about to go home! I loved babysitting those kids but man. I miss my family. I only got to see them for a week after Nashville and before flying out here. I only saw mom for a day because she got back from Hawaii the day before I left to get here. I'm ready to have a mommy again :)
I missed mothers day.
But I had the kids do some Mothers Day crafts. We made paper flowers and put them in mason jar. We also made a big welcome home sign. Let me see if I can post a picture of it on this app. We'll try :) Because it was so cute!
My aunt and uncle got home yesterday right after I picked David up from school. Sammy was asleep but David was so excited! He was a chatterbox :). Then I got to go get my braces off! I was very excited about that :) I lost my mommy status and my teenager status all in one day haha
We all went out for dinner and a movie after. The kids wanted to sit in between their parents and put me in the very middle. I'm going to miss them. But at least they're family so I'll see them :)
This is the end of my mommy blogging for a while now. Haha until next time!

Temporary Mom: Operation Party Day

May 12 5:03pm

So today is the last day to party!  We woke up and I made ham and cheese eggs.  They asked for bacon but I just couldn't do it.  I made bacon yesterday morning and I just.. blek.  I couldn't do it.  They laughed at me and said it was ok.  But then we did some crafts!  McKay mowed the front lawn and joined us but by then Sammy was bored and played trains.  Then we ate cookie dough, ran around the house (I timed Sammy and David as they did laps around the house.  They got a kick out of it!  Sometimes they're so easy to entertain).  Then everybody started getting bored.  Sammy and David wanted to swim at the YMCA.  Natalie wanted to do crafts and McKay had to finish mowing the lawn and wanted to just play video games after.  So I bribed Natalie into coming to the YMCA with us after lunch.  McKay can stay because he's older and so could Natalie.  But I forgot to bring a swimsuit so I needed someone in the pool with Sammy and David.  When we got there, an angry teenager told me that Sammy had to have an adult in the pool with him or he couldn't swim.  He had a life vest!  I was right next to the pool!  And there were THREE life guards for a tiny pool!  Certainly he'd be fine.  Just as he was about to throw a fit, a nice lady who was playing with her little girl said she'd watch him.  So the lifeguard said alright and seemed to glare at her.  It was like she was excited to see a child cry.  What a jerk.  So that really super lady played with him in the pool!  She told me that she taught classes there at the YMCA and she wasn't some kind of creep haha I watched her anyway but, I mean, who wouldn't?  Can't just hand the kids over.  So they all had a blast :)  

Then we went home and realized as we were pulling into the garage that the ice cream man was down the street!  We yelled to McKay and ran out.  He was pulling into a different street, but he saw the kids running across lawns, turned around and came down our street.  He was so nice!  Everyone's been so nice to us today!  Holy cow!  So they got ice cream while I snuck Sammy inside the house.  He had fallen asleep during the ride home.  Poor thing had to sleep in his wet swimsuit.  I knew that'd be a problem.  

Natalie still wanted to do crafts.  David went upstairs to play.  McKay got into crafts for a while, but got bored and walked off.  Then he scared us both when he jumped out from behind the kitchen counter.  He had put on my shoes, his dad's tie and was holding up a pipe cleaner as a moustache.  haha oh man!  Funny kids!  I then told him to pose for a picture.  

And of course Natalie wanted in too.

But then, sure enough, Sammy woke up while Natalie and McKay and I were doing crafts in a fit of tears.  I ran in to ask him what was wrong and he asked for dry clothes.  So I ran upstairs and realized that the door to his room was locked!  I knew David was in there and I knew he was probably sleeping.  So I knocked and called out.  No answer.  I knocked and called his name louder.  Man he's a hard sleeper!  So McKay grabbed a Lego speer and picked the lock for me.  I ran in and looked around for him as I ran to Sammy's clothing drawer.  Then I saw him.  Asleep under his bed with Sammy's underwear on his head!  Hahaha oh man!  It was so funny and so cute and I just have to wonder what he was doing!  But I can't ask.  He'd be so embarrassed!  So I'll just secretly tell all of you here :)  Just don't tell David that I saw :)

hehe oh man oh man

Then Sammy went upstairs after he had woken up a bit more.  I told him not to and to play down here, but there's no stopping him when he wants something.  I was hoping he'd sleep, but then I heard them both coming down the stairs a few minutes later.  They wanted a snack and a movie.  Alright!  Cool.  I needed to get a couple things done anyway.  So I put on Cars 2 and went upstairs to fix the toilet.  When I got to my room, I discovered my bed had been re-made for me.

A nest??  Nooooo idea.  These kids are honestly splitting my sides today :)

Then I got to the toilet, lifted the lid and..

Yep.  I think it's broken for now.  Out of service.  Shoot.
Oh!  So the door bell rang just a bit ago and Sammy ran to get it.  I ran right behind him.  He had already opened the door and someone was bending over to say hi to him.  When he stood up, he looked at me and said "No way!"  It was Lucas!  He's a friend from my ward last year at BYU.  Here in Missouri!  Weird!  He was going door to door selling a pest control service.  Super weird!  He just happens to go block knocking in my cousin's neighborhood while I'm nannying for them!  So we had a nice little chat.  It was good talking to someone from the outside world.  It was a good connection- life still exists beyond my child-driven world. haha

10:28pm
Finally got the kids down.
After McKay got most of the mowing done, he came in sweating and tired.  I felt so bad!  He's so little!  So I told him we'd all go hop in the car now and get pizza and ice cream and bring it back.  We'd eat the pizza then, he'd go finish and we'd have an ice cream party to celebrate him being done.  I offered to finish for him, but he wouldn't let me.  So he agreed to the ice cream party.  He also said we should watch Tin Tin because I haven't seen it and they thought that was sad.
So we ran and got Little Caesars and went to Fritz's again.  Man!  Feeding and bribing children is expensive!  I'm down to about $5 of their money and I feel terrible!  I think I've spent about half of that on fruit snacks. haha  Then we got home and David said he had to throw up.  Luckily he didn't and feels just fine now.  So yes.  McKay got back outside and finished in about half an hour.  It takes him a while to mow and I feel bad.. I wish he had let me help.  But Sammy was so happy the whole day!  We played trains a lot a lot!  But about 5 minutes before McKay finished, he heard the other kids outside.  So he set down his trains and played with them.  I told Natalie to keep an eye on him and I zoomed off to clean up.  I did dishes and put the boys' toys away before McKay came in the door ready for a celebration.  Woo!  I'm learning!
Then we celebrated.  Tin Tin and ice cream.  That movie was pretty cool.  I missed some of it because, I mean, I'm the mom.  I was up throwing stuff away, getting water, cleaning spills, and falling asleep (yes mom, it's a mom thing).  But it was a good day :)  I'm glad it's winding down, but these last couple of days have been the best.
David's in my bed tonight.  So I'm hiding in the bathroom typing while he falls asleep with the light on. I can't try to sleep with so much light on again.  I barely slept last night!  But he promisses not to roll over on top of me in the middle of the night like Natalie haha Oh boy.
Good night!

Temporary Mom T - 2.5

May 11 2:32pm
Sammy has been quite a handful today.  There haven't been any tears, but he's been quite the demanding little kid.  I hope he's nice for his mom when she gets back.  I just bribe him with fruit snacks and he tides over for a little while.  Hopefully that's not such a bad solution..  At least for the next few days.
Their parents get home Monday afternoon and they've all survived!  No one has gotten lost or hurt or cripplingly sick!  They've all made it to school on time with all of their things and have eaten every meal.  No one's run away, set fire to the house or thrown out a window.  I didn't even beg my mom to fly out to help me!  I call that a successful time so far.  Now all I have to do is get through the weekend and get them off to school Monday.  The first few days felt like weeks, but these last few days have flown past!  Natalie even said so.  McKay said that he didn't want me to leave yet.  And Sammy even told me that next time mommy needs help, I can come back here.  Haha oh boy.  They're such fun kids :)

10:09pm
I promised the kids that they could sleep over in my room with me tonight.  I finally got them all asleep.  McKay is at a party still and I'm about to leave to go get him but I figured this would be the best time to write.
After David, Natalie and McKay went to school, Sammy and I played trains.  Then we went to the YMCA!  He loves playing with the kids there.  When I first tell him where we're going, he doesn't want to go.  But once we get inside, he runs in and forgets that he just barely said that he hates it.  And afterwords when I go pick him up, he's so happy!  So it's worth the fight to get in.  But while I was in the gym, something funny happened.  First I rode the bike for 20 minutes.  Then I went to the free weights area.  After I did abs, I started doing biceps and triceps.  At first it was just me and a couple muscle men.  Then this little old lady came over.  She was standing around at first and seemed lost.  Then she picked up some light weights.  Then I noticed she was kind of watching me out of the corner of her eye.  And she started doing what I was doing!  Ha!  When I told my mom that she said her world flipped upside down.  I was a role model in the gym.  hehe
Then later, after the other kids got home, we hung outside for a long time.  They thought they had heard the ice cream truck.  So I armed them with a few dollars and we waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  Finally I gave up and went inside to go make dinner and drive McKay to his party.  When I got back, David had lined up all of his old toys on the drive way.  The neighborhood was having a weekend where everyone has a garage sale at the same time and he wanted to make some money.  I told my mom that when I called and she asked if he had asked his mom.  I said no.  Then she said that I should probably have him ask his mom.  When I told David that, he decided not to.  So I told him to put his toys away.  I later discovered that some of those toys weren't even his!  haha Tricky kid.
After that, I found out that we still hadn't opened one of the movies their parents had bought for them.  It was Lady and the Tramp!  So we opened that and they got to watch it for the first time.  I realized that the movies I used to watch when I was little aren't as crazy and action packed at the ones the kids watch now. They're a bit slow and the kids get bored.  So I made more vegan cookie dough and that kept them happy until the movie really got moving.  It's kind of a weird movie I realize.  Like the Fox and the Hound.  You remember them as good movies, but then you watch them again and think "eh."
Then we all got ready for bed and headed to my room.  Sammy and David made beds on the floor while the girls got the big bed.  I read them three books and made up another song about them.  They made me promise to write a full song for them.  But that always gets them all riled up.  So David and Sammy were bouncing off the walls- literally.  They stuffed pillows in their shirts and ran around the room bumping into things haha  It's so hard to settle them down but finally they realized that Natalie and I were trying to sleep and David started to doze off too.  Sammy was rummaging around for a while but got bored and laid down.  Then he asked me to bring him to bed.  After I got him to his room and tucked him in, he needed to go to the bathroom.  Then needed a drink of water.  But I finally got him in bed!  Hopefully he sleeps well.  It'll be good for the boys to be in separate rooms for once.  Then they won't wake each other up and fight in the morning.
Oh man tomorrow is craft day!  The kids want to get pizza and watch a movie and do crafts with me.  How cool is that?  So I'll have to think of things to do with them, but it'll be fun.  I'm excited :)
Alright I've got to run and get McKay now.
Good night!

The little sumos 

Temporary Mom Take 8

May 10 9:48pm
Sammy slept through the whole night!  He slept 14 hours straight!  I have no idea how he did it.  But he's alive and well.
We made pancakes again this morning because they had so much fun with them the other day.  Sammy wanted "a pile of doggies", McKay and Natalie wanted swirls and David wanted circles for faces.

Then when all of the kids went to school and preschool, I got to go to the orthodontist and get my braces tightened! Woo!  Oh yeah did I mention that I got to have braces put on for the two weeks that I'm staying here?  My uncle that I'm babysitting for is an orthodontist so he said he'd close up the gap in my front teeth and take them off when he gets back.  So for two weeks I'm a mom and a teenager!  Yay!  I feel like people look at me and either think I'm a screw up or too young to be a nanny.  Bummer.
Then Sammy got home, played trains and ate lunch blah blah blah My day went on as it normally does.  We picked up David, Sammy fell asleep in the car, I got him inside without waking him up and then I worked out for a bit.  Then the other kids got home and I drew outside with David and Natalie for a while.  It was a beautiful day!  We had grilled cheese and soup for dinner.  Yum!  Sammy just wanted ham though.  He's a weird kid haha  Then we drove McKay to scouts and picked up some flowers at Schnucks (grocery stores always have the weirdest names) for Teacher Appreciation Week.  When we got home, we played trains some more (just for you, Andrew) and had to leave to get McKay again!
The best part of the night was actually right before bed time.
I got out my guitar and instead of playing a song, we made some up!  The kids were having a great time and we were all laughing.  They were singing most of the time but then I sang
"McKay plays Legos
Natalie shoots some hoops
David plays sumo
and Sammy just poops"
They thought it was hilarious and asked me to sing more about them.  So I said I'd have to write a whole song and it would definitely be a hit :)
Sammy had a hard time going to bed as usual.  But then McKay let him sleep in his room and he seemed happier after that.  Now Natalie is having a sleep over in my room and we're saying good night.
Good night!
<3 Lexi and Natalie

p.s. I read this scripture the other night that got me thinking:

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my bretheren, ye have done it unto me."

It just got me thinking- Stay at home moms are the most selfless people I know.  They spend day in and day out serving their kids and I think that's just great.  It's amazing really.
Thank you moms of the world!

Temporary Mom day 7

May 9 9:12am
First off, I feel a lot better this morning!  Yay!  So I can have a good day :)
Sammy is in the bath again.  He loves baths so much haha
Another funny thing that I've noticed this week is that I find myself talking to everyone in a bit of a mommy accent.  You know.. Oh heyy! How ARE you? Oh WOWWW! That's so cool!   I bet other people understand when they see my entourage.

5:31pm
The kids are getting piano lessons downstairs.  I feel kind of awkward because Sammy's asleep on the couch and I was just reading in the kitchen feeling useless and awkward around the teacher..  So I'm pretending to be busy or something now.  Ha.
So today's been pretty normal.  The kids went off to school and then Sammy had another bath.  Then we went to the YMCA and he got to play outside with a bunch of kids while I sat on the bike for 20 minutes and lifted and stretched.  It felt amazing!  I promised him that he could pick out a toy car at Target after the YMCA because he didn't get up and bug David and stayed in bed all night!  So we went to Target and he got another car from the movie Cars.  We also got more candy prizes for the other kids because they were so nice this morning and they could definitely earn a prize by the end of the day.  Then Sammy and I had lunch and played PlayDoh until we had to get David.  Then we played PlayDoh some more and some more and some more and they just couldn't get enough today!  But then Sammy got bored after McKay and Natalie got home and started to play along too.  So we put in a movie and he fell right asleep.  Now I'm playing guitar and trying to write a song.  Songwriting can be really frustrating sometimes.  I feel like I have a lot to say, but nothing's coming out right.  Ah man..  I guess putting the computer away and playing would help.

10:17pm
I just did a victory lap around the house.  Partly because I had to turn out the lights, but mostly because I'm awesome.
Sammy slept through dinner.
After dinner, Natalie and David went outside to play with the neighbors.  McKay was playing games on my iPhone, so I pulled out my art supplies and started messing around in my sketchbook.  Eventually, McKay got curious.  So he came over and started collaging with me.  His turned out really cool!  Then David and Natalie came in and they got into it too!  I love when kids get into crafts :)  We only had one pair of scissors though so that was an issue.  But it worked out and everything turned out well.  Natalie didn't let me take a picture of hers though because she says it isn't finished.  But here are McKay's and David's!

Close up!  I really like how this turned out.  I'm impressed.

He wants to frame it.

Front side

Those things are bunnies.  While he was drawing he kept saying "bunnies are falling from the sky!"

Oh!  So why did I do a victory lap around the house?  I'll tell you!
Sammy was still asleep on the couch by the time I was herding the others off to bed.  So while they were getting ready, I called my mom.  I needed motherly advice.
"Mom. Sammy's been asleep on the couch since 5 and I don't know what to do!"
"What do you mean?"
"Do I move him or let him sleep there?"
"Move him now!  Or he'll freak out in the morning.  Either way he'll be up early.  Do it after the other kids are in bed and the house is dark."
Good advice.
So I sang and read to the kids.  We prayed and did a little "Sure love ya" cheer (which is a super cute thing their family does every night) and I got everyone settled.
Then I got in my pajamas and headed cautiously over to where Sammy was sleeping.  I gently slid my hands under him and cradled him upstairs.  I had left his door and his covers open and ready so I just walked in, laid him down and..
It worked!  He didn't even open his eyes!  I actually checked to make sure he was still breathing I was so surprised.  I didn't wake him at all!
Then I did the well deserved victory lap.

Temporary Mom Section C

May 8 7:17pm
I'm so tired....
I thought it'd be a good idea to go to the yoga class at the YMCA today while Sammy was at preschool.  But now I wish I had taken a nap.  It was a good class, but the kids are running wild, I feel sick and I haven't had a quiet moment all day.  I got home after I ran to get a few groceries after yoga with just enough time to shower and wash the morning dishes (I made pancakes).  Then Sammy was brought home from his lunch out with Erin's friend, Kim.  Then Sammy and I played trains for a long time.  Then I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back, he was mad at me.  So he started throwing trains and destroyed the really cool track we had made the other day.  So I decided that it was time to get in the car.  I got him to sleep faster than I thought I would so I got to read while we were waiting in the car for David to get out of school.  Then I ran inside and picked him up.  Sammy stayed asleep until we got home.  But he woke up when I got him out of his seat.  I thought he was wide awake, but he headed up to his room.  I tucked him in and told David to do some school work.  I thought I'd .e free to sit and play my guitar for a little bit but then David said he was done and asked if he could watch a some cartoons.  So I some in (they don't have TV. Just movies. Which is pretty cool) and almost as soon as I went back upstairs, I heard little foot steps running down the stairs.  So I went back downstairs and asked Sammy if he was tired.  He said no.  They finished watching a couple cartoons and then we decided to go to the pond.  At first we were feeling the fish happily but then they stared to fight over sticks and threw fits and I was kind of finished.  So I continued to feed the fish until the bread and cold french fries were gone.  Then when they asked for stuff to lure the fish in (they thought they'd lure them in and kill them with their sticks), I showed them that it was all gone.  They decided it was time to go home.  So we walked once around the pond and left, the little boys fighting the whole way home.
Then we got out PlayDoh.  They played alright but still fought, as they always do with PlayDoh.  Oh well.  I sat near by and read my book.  I didn't feel like I could do anything about it but make sure fists weren't thrown.  Then the other kids got home.  I was hoping they'd play with David and Sammy and I could get a little break, but Natalie played outside with her friend Emily and McKay played Legos in his room.  He's pretty to himself and I get that.
Then I got everyone to play outside and we got a lot of neighbor kids playing too.  Sammy scraped his knees a few times, made a fuss, got some attention and was right back to normal.   They were all playing pretty nicely.  And I just sat and watched.  I wasn't feeling up for much so I was happy to watch.  They looked happy :)
We ate our dinner outside.  They asked why I wasn't eating and I told them I felt sick.  They said that I might just need to eat but I assured them that pizza wasn't the answer haha
Then we went inside.  Sammy went back to PlayDoh and so did David and Natalie.  They were being so loud and yelling and fighting and I finally asked David and Natalie to leave.  They asked what they could do.
"Anything."
"Anything?"
"Yes.  Anything outside of this kitchen."
"Take someone's toys?"
"Why not?"
"Burn a house down?"
"Just not this one."
"Murder someone?'
"Sure. Just not someone I know."
"Rob a bank?"
"I'd be impressed if you did."
By now they were laughing like crazy.  They kept spitting out the craziest ideas and trying to one up each other.  After that game was done, I told them to keep an eye on Sammy.  I had to at least lay down for a little while.  So here I am.  Head pounding and will broken.  It doesn't sound like a hard day, but it just was for some reason.  I've learned a few things today though-

Mental health is strongly tied to physical well being- if I hadn't felt awful all day, I could have made the kids happier today.  Or at least been able to handle it better.

Boys are born with one idea in their head: Capture and destroy.



9:17pm
I had a few more funny things to say about today but I forget them now.  After I wrote that last part I decided to actually lay down.  When the kids finished the movie they put on, I helped them all get in bed.  They went to bed really easily because they could see I didn't feel well.  Thank goodness.
Today was a boring post.
But then again, it's just friends who read this.  Hi friends!

Sammy wanted Mickey Mouse and a bear.  He had already eaten the bear's arm by the time I got out my phone.

Natalie got a heart (..Take a bite of my heart tonight.. oh oh..)

A picture of McKay! Yay!  I made him a swirl.  It looked cool and I with I had thought to take a picture of it.

Here's David's face.  He kept changing it up but he finally decided on a smilie with a handlebar mustache.

We looked at the bird's nest again today to see if anything had changed. No birds yet!

Temporary Mom pt 2

May 7  8:38am
Sunday went on pretty well.  Did I mention yesterday that I got them to church 10 minutes early?  The guy sitting behind us asked if I was the baby sitter.  I said I was.  He asked how old I was and if I was still in college.  I said I was.  He was really impressed that I had all the kids there early and dressed.  If only he had seen what amazing effort it took and knew that we were only early because I thought it took longer to get to their church. haha
But yes.  Sunday went on pretty well.  I bribed the kids with the bag of treats Erin left.  We made pizza for dinner and the kids have never eaten so much food!  They love that pizza!  Natalie even taught Sammy how to drink out of his little tea cup with his pinkie out (he stuck the pinkie out on the hand he wasn't using, but it was close enough).  They were being so good and nice that they all got to pick one prize from the bag of treats.  Then I noticed that no one picked up the Lion King DVD.  Erin had told me that she bought it and that she didn't think any of the kids had seen it.  So I decided that I got a prize too.  I was good in church too!  So we opened that and ate our Sunday ice cream and sat down to watch my favorite Disney movie.  Sammy was the only one who got kind of bored.  But he just went off and played with his prize (one of those little vibrating bugs that runs around.  He loves them).  Then it was time for bed.  I still have a hard time putting them in bed.  I feel like a jerk every time I tell Sammy that if he's not good he won't get a treat the next day.  I know it's silly.. But I feel mean!  I don't yell, but I feel bad every time I'm the smallest bit mean to him.  Then when they were all in bed, we called their parents.  They passed the phone around and all got a chance to talk to them.  Then it was lights out.  It was the earliest I had gotten them to bed yet!  I was so proud.

The kids just left for school and Sammy is in the bath again.  His mom said that he only really needs one once a week, but he asked for another one.  They keep him entertained and I found the bubble bath soap.  So he's basically drowning in bubbles right now and having a blast :)
But I had to just type something down really quick.
While the tub was filling up, I was reading Sammy "Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse".  When she said that she wanted to be a teacher when she grew up, I asked Sammy what he wanted to be.
"Uh.. A fish!"
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. A BAD fish!"
"Well ok but-"
"With pointy teeth!"
Then when Lilly said she wanted to be a suba diver, he asked me what that was.
"It's someone who goes under water and looks at fish."
"Ohhh.. Fish like me?"
"Yes Sammy. Fish just like you"

9:31am
The bath is finally winding down.  We're letting the water drain for a bit so we can wash the bubbles off.  Apparently the bath got cold because Sammy just said "I'm like a popsicle in here!" He's a funny kid.

3:30pm
After his bath, we played trains and ate lunch.  Then I went to a yoga class at the YMCA at noon and Sammy went to the day care.  I came back and he was having a grand old time.  So I went and ran for 10 minutes.  Then I picked him up, he asked if he could play at McDonalds.  So we went there and he got a little snack of chicken nuggets, or what they claimed were chicken nuggets (ok ok no soap box. I promise).  He played there for a good half hour.  There were a few more kids there that he made friends with.  And there were two high school boys playing really nicely with their little brother.  It was cute.  But one kept looking at me.  Then his little brother asked Sammy to play hide and go seek with them.  Then the older brother asked if I wanted to play.  I felt weird, but I said yes so I could kind of keep an eye on him.  Then we started playing, the older boy was counting down.  Then he started seeking.  He was calling out for his little brother but I ran almost head first into him around a little corner.  He said "Nope! Not Tommy. I just spy a cute girl." winked, and crawled on.  SO AWKWARD.  Did he not hear Sammy calling me mommy?  I thought that would scare him off.  (Sammy has started calling me mommy when he's happy.  When he's mad at me he just calls me poopy pants.)  Then we had to go get David from school anyway so I had an excuse to leave.
As we were walking out the door I asked Sammy if he made some new friends.
"Yeah! And besides- we're friends."
Yes! I reached a new level :)

While we were all driving home, my CD was playing, as usual.  When the first song started playing again (you know... "I Don't Want To Be Your Girlfriend), Sammy asked me
"Are you a girlfriend?"
I laughed "Noooo."
"Well.... Are you a girl?"
"Yeah."
"Are you a friend?"
"Yeah! We're friends!"
"Well then you're a girl friend!"
He's one smart kid!

Now we're home.  We were outside on the swing and David noticed a blue egg on the porch.  So we went to investigate.  It was smooshed and broken and Sammy said it made him sad.  I figured that it must have come from one of the hanging plants above.  I got a stool and we looked.  There was a nest f! So I brought the plant down and we all looked at it.  They loved it!  They want to check on it every day to see if there's baby birds.  I hope they hatch while I'm here!  Oh I'd love that as much as them.

9:09pm
Oh boy.  Bed time is still a charmer.  David and Sammy came in as soon as I pulled out my computer.  Maybe ignoring them until they go back to there room will work...

So after the bird's nest, I made vegan cookies (but with real chocolate chips).  That's so we could eat a lot of the cookie dough and make about half of the cookies.  haha They loved them!  Score!  Sammy was asleep the while time I made cookies.  The mixer didn't wake him up.  The other kids were even running around the house and screaming and he stayed asleep.  He's a very hard sleeper.  Then I made dinner: Macaroni and a fruit smoothie.  The blender woke Sammy up.  But they all loved the smoothies!  It was great!  But the smoothie was the brightest color of pink/purple that I have ever seen.

Ignoring didn't work.  Sammy is lecturing me on how I can't sleep in mommy's bed.  Oop.  Now I'm not allowed to his birthday party anymore.  He's been telling me all week how I'm invited to his birthday party.  "Everyone is invited to my party.  Even the twin girls.  But NO babies.  Babies are not allowed to my party."

So anyway the bright colored smoothie!  I knew it'd be trouble.  The thought turned out to be foreshadowing of events to come.

Sammy and David just came in again.

As I was saying it-

And again.

9:45pm
So Sammy and David decided that I had to sleep in their room with them.  I promised that I'd stay for a bit and we'd have a sleep over soon.  I just barely escaped.

So!  The smoothie!  The kids were all at the table and making Sammy laugh.  After he said the prayer, they all gave him high fives and I told them to be careful of their smoothies anddd... Sammy's got knocked onto the white carpet.  They all jumped up and ran to "help".  Sammy started wailing because he thought it was his fault.  David and Natalie ran to get rags while I shouted at McKay to get stain remover and diverted his path.  He came back with some while the other kids seemed to be just rubbing the bright purple color into the floor.  I finally got their attention and told them to back away.  I had this.  Just go eat your food PLEASE.  They all wanted to be helpful.  (They really just wanted their prize.)  But too many little hands being helpful is quite the oposite.  So they sat down and I started spraying away.  Only after I coated the purple carpet in the spray did I look at the label- laundry stain remover.  Shoot.  So I ran to get another wet rag and started scrubbing at it furiously because my biggest nightmare would be that laundry stain remover ruins carpets or something.  Luckily, the stain came right out.  Add that to the list of helpful things I've learned this week.

Then Sammy decided he wasn't hungry and wanted to play trains.  I just wanted him happy.  So I took my salad into the room where his trains were.  He sat on my lap and played while my salad hovered over his head and I shoveled it all in.  After that, the kids put on Cars and I did the dishes.  Then the fight for bedtime and I read a book and sang to them and blah blah blah...  Here are some more pictures from the week with them so far!

Thursday lunch with Sammy

Thursday PlayDoh

Found out about the "car trick"

Finishing his nap on the couch

Helping David on his math homework

Friday piano recital

I felt like one of the parents at the recital..

Painting Saturday afternoon

I just realized that I didn't get any pictures of the birds nest!  Or of McKay!  I'll make sure that happens.  They're such cute kids.
Good night!

Temporary Mom

So on May 2nd, I flew to Saint Louis to babysit my cousins while their parents are in Hawaii. I've decided to keep a journal for the 10 days that I am their temporary mom.  I wasn't going to share these with anyone but I bet they're going to be pretty interesting.  I already feel like I'm learning something important.


May 3  10:52am
I just got a shower after dropping Sammy and David off at their schools.  Sammy only has preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I don't know when I'll shower during his stay at home days.  It's only the first day and I've already forgotten Sammy's backpack.  Mom's telling me that it's hard to be a stay at home mom.  I'm already feeling shaky.  I want to be good at this.  But jumping into being a mom of 4 is kind of overwhelming.
Natalie and McKay are old enough to handle themselves but the younger two have a bit of a harder time.  They already fought this morning.  David won a lady bug board game and Sammy threw a fit.  I wish I could get in David's head and make his realize that it'd be easier for all of us if we just let Sammy win all the time.
It's kind of funny- to calm him down on the way to school, David told me to put my CD on during the car ride.  After a couple songs, Sammy stopped crying.  I have a feeling I'll be listening to my own album a lot the next week and a half.
Oh man.  Now it's time to just sit and read.


May 4  12:17pm
After Sammy got back from preschool yesterday, he was happier (thank goodness).  We played PlayDoh for a really long time and ate lunch and then we got in the car to pick up David from school at 2.  That's when I discovered that car rides are the key!  He fell right asleep!  It was amazing!  Then he slept on the couch while David did his home school homework, ate a snack and played with the PlayDoh.  Then Sammy started to wake up and David decided to play video games.  Sammy just sat on the couch where he was sleeping and watched.  It was wonderful.  But then Sammy discovered that David had made a ship out of "his" PlayDoh.  He claimed ownership out of it because he had mixed so many colors that it was a whole new color.  But David said it was everyone's PlayDoh but HIS ship and he wanted it to harden so he could sail it.  So there was quite a fuss over that.  Until David got annoyed and agreed to let Sammy play with it.
The older two kids got home at 4:30.  School goes so late now!  I don't know when that happened.
Then all the kids played outside with the neighbor kids while I cooked dinner.  Tacos.  Yum.  Apparently I can make decent ground beef even without tasting it (I'm a vegetarian.  I promised mom that I wouldn't let the kids notice or I might convert them).  Then I dropped Natalie and McKay at the church for scouts and activity day.  I entertained the youngest two for a while until they demanded a movie.  So we put on UP.  When we got back from picking up the oldest, it was already 8:45.  So I told them we needed to all go to bed.  But they wanted to watch a little bit more of the movie.  I'm such a sucker.  I just want everybody happy.  So I said ok.  After the house gets through the storm.  Then we all went to bed.  I got everyone's teeth brushed, pajamas on, and read to before 9:30.  But then the phone rang.  Natalie shot up and ran to go get it.  My first thought was "Shoot. It's probably her parents.  They'll think I'm awful and letting them stay up way past bed time."  It was their parents.  She talked with them for a while and then she let me.  Erin says it's hard to get them to bed, but setting a timer and bribing them with a song or story works.  I'll have to be better about that tonight...

So today!  I set my alarm for 6:30 am.  The kids are supposed to wake up at 7 so I thought that'd be enough time to shower before I had to take care of Sammy.  Wrong.  My alarm went off and I squirmed in bed for a few minutes.  Then Sammy came sneaking in and jumped up in bed with me.  He was talking and talking and just as happy as can be.  How could I be upset?  Then he asked me to read him a book so I did.  Then I asked Natalie to watch him while I showered really quickly.  I took the fastest shower known to man.  Then, while I was drying my hair, there was a persistent thundering at the door.  I ran to the door and Natalie had Sammy.  She said "Show her!"  First he showed me his hand with PlayDoh all under his nails.  Then he lifted his other hand and showed me how clean they were.  Natalie was doing his nails.  And you could tell he was super pleased with it.  So while I was finishing my hair, Natalie and Sammy sat behind me and finished his nails.  Then we all ran downstairs to make waffles.  (I was going to yesterday morning but I couldn't find the oil.  I found it this morning.  I'm moving up as a temp!)  Now the kids are all at school and Sammy and I are watching Scooby-Doo meets Batman.  He got a really long bath after the kids left.  Then we played trains.  Then he got pizza for lunch!  Isn't he just a spoiled little kid?

May 5 1:54pm
Yesterday after Scooby-Doo and trains, Sammy and I went and picked up David at 2.  Then, as soon as we got home, the boys were picked up by a friend of Erin's.  Then I got to go back to the elementary school just in time for "Tea with Mom" with Natalie.  It was weird being mom for a mothers' day thing.  I could see why being a mom is so cool :)  It was so cute!  I felt bad that Erin couldn't be there, but I video taped all of the program and I saved all of the cute things Natalie made.  Then we went hom at 4. Sammy and David got dropped back off soon after we got home.  Then McKay arrived via school bus.  Then I helped him finish packing for his scout camp and he got picked up for that by a friend's mom.  Then I made David and Natalie practice their piano songs as Sammy's baby sitter arrived.  She was a little bit late so we had to run like mad to David and Natalie's piano recital.  It was half an hour away but we got there just a few minutes early.  Phew!  After their recital (yes I recorded that too) all of the kids from the recital went to Pizza Street (I wonder if strangers think I was a teen mom...) so we went there too.  Before we went home, we stopped a Michael's.  I decided that today could be craft day.  So they each picked out some little wood thing to paint and we picked Sammy and McKay each something too.  When we got home, the babysitter said that Sammy had been asleep since 6.  Ahhhh man.  That means he'll wake up early. Great.  Then I found out that I had to drive her home.  So I left Natalie with sleeping Sammy, put David in the car and drove her home.  When we got back, I played Natalie and David a song, David read me a book, and I read them one.  Then I finally got them to bed a little after 9.  Geez.  I need to get them to sleep earlier.

At 4am this morning, I heard something.  It wasn't just the thunder outside.  So I turned over and saw someone standing inches from my face.  I screamed a little and realized it was just Natalie.  She said she was scared.  So I let her get in bed with me.  Then at 5am I heard something else.  It was David, followed closely by a very awake Sammy.  David said, very sleepily, that Sammy had woken him up. Sammy denied it and they both got in bed.  While the rest of us were trying to sleep, Sammy kept crawling on everyone.  So Natalie was the first to leave.  Then I told David that if we pretended to be asleep, Sammy might fall asleep.  So we tried.  Sammy got bored of us ignoring him and left.  Then a few minutes later, I felt like I should check on Sammy so I got up and saw that he was just outside the door, waiting for me.  So I let David sleep and went to play with Sammy.  We decided to watch Tom and Jerry downstairs.  I put the movie on and David came down.  Then I curled up on the couch and slept while they watched.
When Natalie came down, we ate cereal.  Then after playing with trains and attempting to play a few games, we got the paint out.  Sammy was so excited to paint his fish.  David said that he loved painting, but kept getting frustrated and leaving the room only to come back as excited as ever to paint.
When our things were painted, we decided to go to the pond with a picnic.  They wanted Lunchables.  I made a vegetarian sandwich for myself.  When we got outside, we realized it was super hot and sunny.  And this is Missouri.  It HOT.  And the air is made of water.  Ug.  I felt like I was swimming.  But we found a shady spot to eat and feed the ducks and turtles.  Then Sammy fell on the way home.  He scraped up his knees but nothing else.  When he was sitting on the potty, he claimed that he couldn't walk anymore.  So I had to help him off the toilet and then watch as he dramatically limped to the table to play Sorry with David.  After a game of Sorry, I put Sammy in the car and he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.  It was great!  I love that!  And the other kids are watching Singing in the Rain.  It's been a nice little Saturday after all.


May 6 10:38am
Sammy woke up in a panic.  He was sobbing and calling out for his mom.  I ran into his room and tried to help but it just made him cry harder.  So we decided to face time his mom.  She tried to calm him down and got him to talk to her for a little bit.  But as soon as she said good bye, he started to bawl all over again.  So we decided to play outside with Natalie.  Then they went inside and played trains while I made dinner.  Tilapia with brown rice for Natalie and McKay (oh yeah. McKay got hom from scouts dripping wet because he jumped in the lake), quinoa and blueberries for David, chicken nuggets for Sammy and a huge spinach salad and the left over quinoa for me.  I got them to eat kind of healthy for one meal!  Then they played video games for a bit while I washed the dishes.  Then we all piled in the car and went to get ice cream at Fritz's or something like that.  When we came home, we watched Horton Hears a Who.  Sammy started to fall asleep by the end of the movie.  I thought that would make for an easy bed time.  But when it ended, David got him all riled up again.  So it was a struggle to put them down for the night.  I keep getting them to bed late.  Bed time is 8.  But I keep getting them in around 9.  It's such a bummer..

Sammy crawled into bed with me at 6 again this morning.  I keep thinking that he'll sleep in since he gets to bed so late.  Oh well.  Today we've already played trains, had breakfast, painted some more of our wooden things and they're watching a few cartoons.  David is supposed to be getting in the showed (he told me he can do it all by himself) but I think I just heard him run back downstairs.

12:25pm
Getting out the door for church is such a breeze.    hahaha

5:53pm
In church today, Sammy turned to me and stared.  Then he desperately started tearing at my shirt.  I laughed and pulled up my shirt but he kept trying to pull it down.  I asked him what he was doing.  Then he looked at me and pointed to my chest.  "What are those big things?"  I don't think I've hard to stifle a laugh that hard in the middle of sacrament meeting before.  Kids are so funny!